I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
