The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
