So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
