he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
