Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
