I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
