At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
