she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
