i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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