Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
