How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
