my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Come on in and take your pants off
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