Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
