Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
