Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
