Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I smell stomach acid.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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