Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
