Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
