alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i came on her dog
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
