The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had to cum in my sink.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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