Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
