I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
