I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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