dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
