How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
