we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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