Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
