If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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