I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
