no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
