o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
