..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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