when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
