Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
