Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
