Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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