Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
