I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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