i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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