Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
