I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
