Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
