I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
