Kiss
Puke
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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