Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
