Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
