Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
