....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
