He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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