saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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