Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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